


Promise me.

by freefall_through_fandom



Category: Sherlock - Fandom, Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: 'That night', Angst, Brotherly Love, Caring Brothers, Feels, Flashback, Holmes Brothers, Internal Monologue, Mycroft cares, Overdose, ShSpesh, TAB spoilers, The Abominable Bride, drug use., young!Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 05:44:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5615956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freefall_through_fandom/pseuds/freefall_through_fandom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What goes through Mycroft's head when he finds Sherlock in those back alleys or doss houses? What happened on 'that night'? My interpretation of what was running through Mycroft's head - and his heart- when he found Sherlock. Written as an internal monologue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promise me.

**Author's Note:**

> It had to be done didn't it? That special ripped me to shreds. Now we have canonical proof that Mycroft really does care. I couldn't help but write up what I think Mycroft was feeling when he found Sherlock 'that night' (God knows exactly what went down there, but it must have been bad.) I hope that you like reading this, once again sorry for any mistakes that you spot, and be warned for some Abominable Bride spoilers.

I should never have run from you. We were only kids; I didn’t know that this is what would happen. I didn’t know that by running from you that day, I was cementing the wall being built between us. I could have turned around. I could have waited for you. But I didn’t. I’m the one who let you choose this path, the one who ignoring the signs as you slipped further and further away from me. 

I remember a time before the wall sealed us from each other. If only you could too. I remember us sitting at the table together as I guided you through the impossible problem that had reduced you to tears, and the triumphant grin of your face when everything finally clicked into place. I remember walking besides you for the first wobbly ride you took on your bike and the way you peddled furiously but could barely get ahead. I remember the last birthday you were truly with me as my brother. The wrapping paper left crumpled and abandoned on the floor…just as you are now.

Your skin is too pale, the bags under your eyes too dark, your body too frail. It’s my fault. I should have been there to stop you; I should have been able to drag you from the swirling waters of addiction that pulled you in. But it’s too late now. My little brother- my annoying, embarrassing little brother- I’m so sorry. Letting you walk away was a mistake, and I can’t change what’s happened between us.

I told myself caring wasn’t an advantage, told you the same, I was just trying to protect you…protect myself. It was my own selfish ways that lead you onto this path. I understood what it was like for you better than any other. The only one that you could turn to when your head was too full, when the world was just too loud to cope with. I should have helped. I should have protected you. If I’d allowed myself to feel just a little more, let you see my intentions, perhaps you would have understood how much I care.

You never understood why I pushed you away, and now neither do I. It just happened. Brick by brick the wall was built, I was on one side and you were on the other. Every time I turned down your offer to play or told you I was busy, it grew taller. I didn’t notice that I couldn’t see you anymore, I didn’t realise which road you were travelling down. I didn’t know that by trying not to care I was pushing you away.

Now I see. 

You feel strange in my arms, your dead weight pinning me down as I clutch you to me like I used to when you would creep into my bed shaking with fear. It’s me who’s shaking this time; my hands tremble as I hold your bruised arms, push the matted lock of hair from your eyes. You were the one to hold the needle, but I was the one to push you over the edge. I can’t leave you like this, I should never have left you at all. It’s my fault 

It crushes me to know that I could have stopped this. It was always my job to protect you and I’ve failed. If I had been there for you would you have gone a different way? You could be in university with friends, instead of in this ally with a brother that I know you can’t love anymore. I need you to know you could have come to me, I would have helped…would have kept you safe.

What happened between us was my fault, I walked away, and then, I let you do the same. I needed to be there for you and I wasn’t- so I’ll understand if when you come back you hate me. It’s ok, brother mine, if you hate me. I can survive that. But if you die on me… don’t go. I need you- I need you to be ok, I have to know that you’re out there somewhere alive, even if I’m not there to share it. Even if you won’t let me be more than a reminder of your past. I was there for you before, I’ll be there for you again, I’ll always be there for you…even if you don’t need me anymore.

Just promise me that you’ll let me know how to help. Write a list. Tell me what makes you do this…I’ll find something, anything, to help. Even if I’m not the one to take care of you anymore. I know that I’m not the big brother you deserve, you deserved so much more than me, but you’re all that I have. I’m so sorry, so very sorry. Just make it through this…promise me you won’t end it like this…Promise me.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright guys, that was it. I hope that you liked reading it even if you didn't enjoy it, it's not as if our hearts weren't broken enough by the special. Have a lovely 2016, and I should be updating my other work soon. :)


End file.
